I`m atheist?

I don`t know if I`m atheist because recently I post a comment on youtube and somebody told me that he don`t cares if I`m atheist or not, he just gived me an advice... to search the truth on the both sides, the atheists and the theists. I knew that this I need to do, but this man told me this so objective that I couldn`t stay indiferent.
From now I promise that allmost always I will try to give theistic and atheistic argues (the atheist ones are many...) because if the God really exist I can believe in him, but there is allmost no proove wath admit his existance. For example, 2000 years ago I`m sure that a man (a christian) couldn`t think so easily that the God is not real... but it was some, for example Toma who doesn`t believed in Jesus (not in form wath he were... Son of God).
If you have any evidnece of God existance I`ll be glad to listen them, and more, I`ll be glad to comment them, to discuss with you. I really don`t understant why I decided to be atheist, yeah, I know that my brain said to me that this is the truth, but in the childhood it was so nice with a God, every time when I was making a good job I was pleasing God to write it in the Life Book.. and all this for wath? To become at teenage an atheist, a man who don`t fear about God, who weak feels of love, and strong feel of hate... It`s really tragic for me because when I was kid I was a very silent boy, who doesn`t talk to anybody, not really with his parents, his only friends was some animals and he was thinking that God will take him in Heaven. But know I know that this was only a dream... In the first I started to hate the church because she never help people, who wants only to get rich... secondly I started to hate thats who go to church only fir conversatiopn, only to see their neighboor that they are beliefull, thirdly I started to hate that monks who incest, who swear, who (beep..) kids... In the end I started to hate God because he don`t do anything with hi kingdom from earth... after that I started to study other religions and I discovered that the situation is the same... and AFTER THAT.. I started to not hate more God because I understood that he is inocent, he is not bad, his guilty is only that he don`t exist... but in my soul remained Jesus, not in this form how the majority of christians see it: The Son of God... I see like a great man, a man wath the humanity should follow (except the suicide), but I resprect him how I respect actualy Dalai Lama, the pacifists, the atheists who know that they are making the God: good or evil... I have the greatest respect for this man and for many others... but not saints because allmost all saits was killers...
But, let return to our story... from this good kid wath I was, now I have problems with drogs sellers (I was allready to become one), I dream that I`ll be a bad person, an evil person who won`t have any kind of emotions... I dream this maybe because I want to make my life an anti-childhool if we can say that, I mean that I want to make in my life exactly wath I hated to do in childhool.
Anyway, I hope that somebody there, in back of the display will have the kindness to explain me (with solid argues) that God exist... I thin that this theory: "If you don`t believe in God and God don`t exist you don`t loose anything, but if the God exists you`ll loose everything" of Blaise Pascal is playing with my mind, but wath makes a buddish man who don`t believe in God because we all know that the majority of buddists are very goods... they will lose everything (is God so evil and don`t gaved tham the chance of Heaven?)...
How I said, I`m very confused and I need your help... I know that nobody can give me a response, but some advices everyone can...
But I`m asking... I`m atheist or not?


PS:

I thank you a lot if you read this post!

About Carl Sagan...

Carl Sagan is world-famous for writing popular science books and for co-writing and presenting the award-winning 1980 television series Cosmos: A Personal Voyage, which has been seen by more than 600 million people in over 60 countries, making it the most widely watched PBS program in history.^[2] A book to accompany the program was also published. He also wrote the novel Contact, the basis for the 1997 Robert Zemeckis film of the same name starring Jodie Foster. During his lifetime, Sagan published more than 600 scientific papers and popular articles and was author, co-author, or editor of more than 20 books. In his works, he frequently advocated skeptical inquiry, secular humanism, and the scientific method.
He was a great man... You can see lower some videos with him... And he was ATHEIST!
But... I want to ask you something... He said once: "The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence."... I`m asking... if this would apply to God that means that the God may exist, but he was atheist... or he refered by this quote at aliens (this is my opinion)....
And more... if we say that in a bottle of water there are an infinite nomber of universes... the Carl Sagan quote is not so corect...
Anyway... I`ll study more about this man and I`ll try to give a respond... dont` forget that I`m 15 old ;)...

Carl Sagan - Pale Blue Dot